Ich habe eine neue Idee für einen Namen. Da SOGLITUDES geschützt ist in Europa, und ich mir denke, Einsamkeit ist so richtig für mich weil ich es immer projiziere, und wenn ich die Krone projiziere, die Krone, von Kether  weil ich mir gedacht habe TOGETHER TOGETHIM to be with me by my side to enjoy life together TOKETHIM das ist ein lustiger Name.
Diese alten Posts von vor 5 Jahren die machen so Weh im Herzen. Wie er mich immer manipuliert hat und ich sanft um ihn herumgestiegen bin und es ihm so egal war ob ich lebe oder sterbe, dass Sex wirklich eine Waffe sein kann, nur eine Waffe um jemanden zu verwenden und ihn zu biegen. Ich war diese Woche auch grausam und habe es nicht gut gemacht.
Es ist auch schwer zu verkraften (unmöglich wie das Leben generell für mich einfach zu schwierig war - weil ich lerne also wegen der Erziehung so falsch und so unfassbar nicht wieder gut zumachen leider was jetzt was mach ich nur jetzt?
Heute denke ich mir wirklich alles wäre sicherer als hier zu sein. Meine Mami Hübi Ziegi so viele Namen musste ich ihr geben weil sie mir so fremd geworden ist. weil ich nicht mehr wusste wie ich sie nennen sollte ich bin noch nicht einmal beim Trauern angekommen.

Not supposed to be here. Even if it is certainly the most beautiful place in the world.
Can't run downstairs and tell you about my day.
But sometimes now you come upstairs and tell me about your business. It is good.
We have five minutes together, in between two important things. Sometimes none at all.
An eternal threshold. And a knot inside me. Always.

There was so much time between us. Now, there is a little space.

The new work I am doing is philosophical journalism. So I need to confront people about thoughts that I have or that I gathered from what others said.
You took good care of my plant. We are still not, maybe never, at the natural, normal having dinner stage. We were there once, for a short while, perhaps before the desire took over everything. There are different rules for desire and for friendship. Also there are different rules that apply to you and to me. But those are fine. We are not in each other's way. We have achieved perfect harmony in being.

Most other interactions are still terrible to me and I shun company. Some people know me well or don't judge me or don't disturb me with their stupidity and impose their stupid worldview on me. I am supposed to ! yes! supposed to make better judgments, because I learnt critical thinking. This is what philosophy is really all about. I should not be impressed by opinions of others. yes, should not. Should not listen to every shred of word that others say.

But what if they come and POLLUTE my world in a permanent way. And I can't find a way to keep them away from my mind. they have a mind set, they have expectations that were wrong from the beginning and I have tried to make that clear but they won't listen. So please tell me how to get rid of them. You would certainly give good advice as always. But I know you don't like to think that there are even others in my world. Even when they disturb me. They really aren't in my world. Just trying to get in.

And I need to keep my world free from stupid pollution, otherwise I can't create, as you know. Again, you are the only person who understands the soglitudes journal. They are building blocks indeed. Building blocks, these are just all my thoughts. It is at the same time exhilarating and spellbinding that you get me and everything I do with one word, one sentence, one look. And there is really nothing else to say. Like when We make love. I am yours. In us. In between.

The everyday. These days you had not many guests. You were alone, and you got pizza I think, you didn't invite me. A long time ago we did that together. Still these moments were the best in my life. I cherish them like treasures, like the things you send me.